Inwardly Tormented
by Dayisntnight
Summary: Possible multi-chapter fic. Tsukishima loves Roppi, more than he loves himself. However, not all love is sweet. Onesided Tsuki x Roppi. Mainly Shizoppi.
1. Chapter 1

_Tsukishima loves Roppi, more than he loves himself. However, not all love is sweet._

Hachimenroppi was inlove with Shizuo Heiwajima, and there was no other person he would be with. His entire being was solely for _Shizuo_. And it seemed, Shizuo had been ensnared by the lure of affection Roppi held; that the strong beast found himself falling inlove with the owner of two bright red eyes and a personality that would've made anyone else cringe and wish to be around someone else. They were inlove; and it was sickly sweet. Though, there was a dark side to every passion, and it was no lie that _everyone_ that had befriended Shizuo knew the problems that arose within their relationship.

But whose job was it to point it out?

Tsukishima was inlove with Roppi, the same way the raven had fallen for Shizuo. It was, heartbreaking, to know that when Roppi looked at **him** he saw nothing but a pile of _disgusting human flesh_ , compared to the _beast_ Roppi adored above all. They were the same, Tsukishima believed atleast, not at all different minus perhaps, their personalities and eye colors. A few more subtle differences, but otherwise Tsukishima was quite sure if Roppi looked hard enough, then maybe _he_ could possibly be the one that Roppi really loved. Not someone who had _severe anger issues_.

"I don't know," Roppi's speaking to Shizuo, making a face and pouting. He's not tall, barely reaching the man's shoulders. But he has a perfect view of the blond's chest, and if he tips his head back, he can see Shizuo's face. He likes to reach up on the tips on his toes, and press his palms against Shizuo's biceps and kiss the man, but right now he can't do that. They're debating where to eat, and even if Roppi _hates_ food, he knows Shizuo needs to eat and doesn't nibbling on something small. "I don't want sushi." Another pout, this time he's tugging Shizuo's shirt and scooting closer because Shizuo isn't angry, not yet anyways, but there's a moment where the stronger of the two just sighs and shoves his hands into his pockets.

Tsukishima watches, from afar really. He doesn't want to be caught; he's sure that sooner or later he'll get caught. Shizuo had caught him staring once, while he managed to fall flat on his arse when he tried to scramble for the raven- he thought Shizuo had gotten angry and was going to throw something when honestly, the brute had tugged something from the smaller ones hair- which caused Roppi to pale and run his hands through his hair. The sight of the ruffled locks left Tsukishima breathless, so he was spotted by the red eyed man who narrowed his gaze before turning to Shizuo and forgetting all about him. It left Tsukishima's heart skipping a beat, _hurt_.

"Then what would you want?" Shizuo leans back, but he's pulled in closer- _closer_ , his body pressed firmly against Roppi's. He inhales; watches Roppi smile at him, watches white teeth come down on his lowerlip; tempted to bend down and take his mouth with his own.

"Uh- Ramen!" His hands latch onto the elders, tugs and their stumbling; but it's _fine_. One hand moves, grabs the back of Shizuo's neck and kisses his boyfriends lips and seals the deal between a moment of passion.

Tsukishima watches- aches. He doesn't understand _why_ he can't be the one Roppi wants. He _needs_ to understand. Fixing his scarf; he debates if he should go and speak up- demand to know **why** Roppi chose Shizuo over him. Why someone who never saw him break down; never seen him sleep peacefully; suffer and hate himself? Tsukishima had been _so much_ \- and Shizuo was **nothing**.  
It was a dark truth, Tsukishima swallowed. He closes his eyes; exhales. _Hates Shizuo_

 _Some part of him wants to kill him._


	2. Chapter 2

_Tsukishima loves Roppi, more than he loves himself. However, not all love is sweet._

Shizuo isn't sure if Roppi is really hungry, nor does he seem to mind at all. There's a cigarette in his hand, tapped against his leg as ashes fell to the ground. It's not right to smoke in public, but that's pushed to the corner of his mind. It's not right to smoke infront of someone he loves, but Roppi doesn't care. Infact, he once pulled the cigarette from his fingers and inhaled in deeply, watching Shizuo with large eyes.

He had done it to prove to Shizuo it was okay. From then on, Shizuo would light a smoke or two, then watch as Roppi leaned against him- as he was now. Swirling the ramen around in his bowl, making a few faces. He reached over, fingers brushing down his boyfriends hair, to his neck. There is a scar back there, he knows it from memory.

"Tried killing myself," Roppi had said the first time Shizuo asked about it. He seemed careless, shrugging before covering it with one cold palm. "It's okay."

It wasn't okay, Shizuo knew that. But he never brought it up again; though he does this- rubs his thumb against the faded scar; smiles faintly when Roppi pauses and looks at him with that face. Narrowed eyes; furrowed brows and a pursed lips as if he wants to whine, but doesn't.

"Ya gonna eat?" Shizuo asks, then grins when the raven shifts, swats at his hand then grabs it as he drops it. Shizuo chuckles beneath his breath, presses the butt of his cigarette against the counter, mentally tells himself he would pay for it- as Roppi makes a sound and nudges him.

"I am eating."

A silence falls upon them as Shizuo leans to peer at the bowl, tsks and shakes his head. He shouldn't care so much, but as far as he's concerned Roppi's too fucking thin. Nearly bones, it should gross him out; but then again, he knows that if he pushes Roppi to far the poor man would be sick. He tells himself it's because he doesn't enough and if he had an actual steady diet, then he wouldn't be sick.

"Nah, you're not"

"Shizuo, stop telling me to eat. I will, seriously." Despite the seriousness of his tone of voice, Roppi's teasing. Bouncing and then shoving a mouthful of noodles into his mouth; slurping in this annoying way on fucking purpose and chewing, all the while- he's giving Shizuo his attention, eyes wide and pupils too fucking large to be considered normal.

Shizuo watches, is silent. Then shakes his head; pulls out his phone and does something for a few moments as he waits for Roppi to finish. He rather have Russia Sushi, because it's nothing to hard to think about. But Roppi doesn't like sushi- well, he seems not too. Always avoids it; makes faces when Shizuo offers it as a place to eat at. But if Roppi eats something- atleast shitty Ramen- then it's totally okay.

"Done!" Shizuo glances upwards, blinks several times. Yeah, the soup is gone. The broth is still there, veggies and meat poking forth. He raises one brow, Roppi shrugs and pushes the bowl to him. With another chuckle, Shizuo goes to pay- Roppi leaves a tip. When Shizuo goes to ask, Roppi's fingers dance along his wrist; curls and tugs.

"For the cigarette," is all his boyfriend says and Shizuo can't help but blush- but happiness bubbles in his chest because Roppi noticed- and knows him far too well.

"Right."

They're walking home. Roppi is happy- bubbly and rambling about something Shizuo doesn't bother to really pay attention too. He heard the start, a few pieces here and there. Occasionally he notices that Roppi is pausing to stare at something and then he's talking all over again. It's about a book, yeah. Shizuo picks that up when Roppi suddenly waves his hand in the one way Shizuo knows Roppi is going on and on about something in a novel he's never heard of.

Suddenly, Roppi's pausing. Stiffening- Shizuo knows that stance. He's seen it plenty today and it annoys him- pisses him off but he doesn't know why. Roppi glances back, then turns to Shizuo and gives a small smile. When Shizuo looks backwards- all he sees is a fabric going one way.

"Someone's been following us," Roppi sighs. Shrugs; then makes sure to cling to Shizuo. "You'll protect me, yeah?"

Shizuo looks at him, narrows his gaze because he's not to sure as to why someone is following them. He hasn't smelt Izaya all day- a blessing, really, because the last time Shizuo smelt Izaya during a date..least to say, Roppi refused to look at him for a very long time. And if he did, it was with this teary eyed gaze with a shaky bottom lip. So, he tries to think of anyone who wants to fuck with him. Thinks of none, because he knows his reputation has gone around plenty; hell-he's even in his bartender get up today, because he did have work until Tom cancelled.

Roppi is silent, it pisses Shizuo off. Not Roppi- but whoever made him silent. Roppi silent wasn't good- it reminded him of the younger wanting to commit suicide and hurting himself..they were thoughts he didn't want around.

Shizuo wraps an arm around the younger one; tugs him close and kisses his forehead. "Yeah, I'll protect ya, kid. Don't'cha worry."

 _It's a promise he intended to keep._


	3. Chapter 3

_Tsukishima loves Roppi, more than he loves himself. However, not all love is sweet. Onesided Tsuki x Roppi. Mainly Shizoppi._

* * *

What was Tsukishima thinking?

The blond could feel himself shaking, trying to breathe. But in all truth- his anxiety was clawing at him. He inhales, once. Twice. Tugs the scarf that is wound around his throat- swallows and shakes his head. Scratches at his chest, then sighs once. Twice.

Tsukishima was defeated, no doubt about it. And tired. All he wanted to do was go home, sleep and then think about what he was going to do. There was no way he would- could- kill Shizuo Heiwajima. He shudders at the mere thought. Murder wasn't an option- it never was...well.

Tsukishima found himself leaning against a doorframe. It's to his home, all the way in Shinujuku. Roppi use to live there, he knew that much. Before he noticed that the man stopped coming to therapy sessions, started looking so much more happier because of Shizuo. Now, that wasn't the bad part..it was more like, every chance Tsukishima had with Roppi thrown out the window. If that made sense...which it did, in his head.

Not only that! But Shizuo Heiwajima was a dangerous person to be around. Tsukishima was very aware that if he didn't try to do anything, one day, Shizuo would get so mad at Roppi...he shook his head; not to keen of the horrid thoughts that plagued his mind soon after. It was for protection.

He pushed through his door, locks the door and stretches. Tugging at the scarf he wore all day; rubs his neck. Tsukishima _was_ hungry, tired. Maybe a nap before he ate would do fine. Fingers touch his stomach just as a loud growl tore through the silence of his half empty apartment. _Food first. Nap later._

* * *

Roppi finds himself shoved between the cushions of the bed, and the warmth of a blanket. It's not even _late_. Still fairly early, but he's sleepy- deprived. He'd been outside longer than he normally has, gotten stalked while being outside and now he feels utterly drained. But Shizuo won't let him sleep.

As soon as the blond sees him drifting to dreamland within the bed, he lifts him from the warmth and literally carried him downstairs. _Damn_. Plopped onto a couch, another blanket is wrapped around him and there's something _buttery_ in the air. A few more sniffs and he made a face. Popcorn. There's movies littered onto the table before him, a few with the actor Roppi knew as Shizuo's brother, and others that were more in _his_ range. Shizuo sits beside him, wraps both arms around his lithe form and drags him onto his lap.

"You complained about us not watching enough movies, so we're gonna watch some."

"Did you even-" Shizuo shoots him a glance, it's not amused. One brow his raised, as if he wants to see Roppi complain. The younger of the two chuckles beneath his breath, traces Shizuo's jawline and pulls his beloved beast into a soft kiss. "Alright, I won't complain...but ah, Shizuo?"

"Hm?"

"Did you see who was following us?"

He asked softly, noticing the apparent stiffness as soon as he did. The blond tsked beneath his breath.

"Can't we talk about that another time?" Roppi smiled, albeit sadly and kisses his boyfriend once again as the movie began to play. He doesn't speak up until the movie is halfway over; his hand having been pressed against Shizuo's and occasionally tracing shapes.

"You know...They wore a scarf." He cocked his head to one side, as if a memory was tugging to be free from everything else that swirled within his mind. Shizuo didn't respond, but instead placed a kiss on his temple, silencing any other words that would come from his lips.

 _I wonder...where I've seen that from..._


End file.
